Hello guys, Valentine’s just went by!
It often comes with subtle whispers of promises, it carries the scent of roses, the promise of chocolates, and the flutter of anticipation in our hearts. Ah, yes, love is in the air, my friend!
But amidst all the heart-shaped balloons and sweet nothings, Let’s dive a little deeper, shall we? How often do we stop to ponder the true essence of this enchanting emotion we call love?
What does it really mean when we say those three little words: “I love you”?
Often, when we utter those words or express them, there’s an unspoken condition attached – a reason why we love someone. But love, in its purest form, is unconditional. It’s about loving someone or something just because without needing a reason. You desire something because of it. And then I realize this happens to us because right from childhood we have grown up with conditions, which have not allowed us to be ourselves. And the only thing that will allow that is self-love.
Now self-love it’s a very big concept in mindfulness, and positive psychology that generally people talk about, love yourself, love yourself, I’m sure you’ve heard of it, and it’s all over our social media feeds. Let’s talk a little bit about it.
Self-love is acceptance of who you are, as you are minus any conditions that exist.
Self-love isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks (though those are a vibe). It’s about digging deep, getting real with yourself, prioritizing your physical and emotional well-being, and saying, “Hey, I’m pretty darn awesome, just as I am.” Because spoiler alert: you are.
This does not mean that I allow myself to be unreasonable, or allow myself to hold onto areas of my life that are not working. It’s just that I accept myself for who I am because growth begins with acceptance.
Then we can reflect on what conditions I am applying when judging myself, are these conditions natural or are they manmade, if these conditions are manmade- are they mine or are they somebody else’s?
Because when they are my conditions, they are my values but when they are somebody else’s conditions they are rules by which I have to live.
Like Erik Erikson said, “ life does not make sense without interdependence” and that’s absolutely true because we are social beings. It’s natural to seek acceptance from those who matter to us, but sometimes we begin to disown certain parts of ourselves because we’re seeking approval, prioritizing the relationship over a part of us or who we are. We become willing to lose a part of ourselves in the pursuit of this approval.
So, how do you practice this radical act of self-love? Start small. Maybe it’s treating yourself to your favourite latte or walking in nature. Or maybe it’s setting boundaries and saying no to things that drain your energy. Whatever it is, do it with intention and kindness.
So, this Valentine’s Day, I’m asking myself: Am I willing to be my own valentine?
It’s easier to be someone else’s valentine, but can I leave behind the judgments and conditions, and simply love myself for who I am?
It’s a journey, no doubt, but one that’s worth taking.
So here’s to self-love – messy, imperfect, beautifully human.
Let’s embrace it, nurture it, and watch it bloom within us. After all, the greatest love story of all begins with loving ourselves first.